At one time I was a vegetarian. Not any more. The only reason is because I seem to have the type of constitution that needs so much protein that I'm always hungry if I don't get enough. I know that eating meat isn't sustainable. I know it isn't healthy. What I can't figure out is how to feel satisfied with small, vegetarian meals and no eating between them. Part of me says that if I dedicate myself, meditation might calm the eating monsters. Another part says that there are no guarantees about anything.
Last night I encountered a very disagreeable and ill-willed side of a friend who put me in my place in front of a group of others as he way over-reacted (he's obviously insecure despite his macho facade) to a comment I made about his barbecued pork shoulder. Needless to say, I left the gathering because I no longer wanted to be in his presence. About a half an hour later, I began to feel ill and got the most vile and nauseating indigestion with horrible burp ups that tasted like his pork. I took some nux vomica and finally got to sleep around three a.m. I woke up this morning at six a.m. feeling wretched, as if I'd been poisoned. I took some more nux vomica, but it's not helping.
I've been trying to say "May he be happy, may he be safe, may he be healthy, may he be at peace," but my old self cries, "He poisoned my heart and body. He's a toxic person. Stay away from him!" I'm not strong enough yet in my meditation practice and insights to deal with this.
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